Sorry it has been so long since we updated. We have been trying to stay busy, we have to....we miss Kassidy so much! We thought the grief would be easier now, but it seems to be harder to cope. We went through the shock of her losing her battle and it was hard to believe what had happened. Now the shock has worn off and we KNOW that it is real. We had milestones to get to before, like her first birthday without her, the first Christmas, and the first anniversary of her heavenly birthday. Now we have reached the year mark and we dont have any milestones to reach. Now the pain of her being gone is even more real. We can fo places that we have been with Kassidy and have those happy memories come back. It's sad but we can smile also. We thought going to new places would be better but we learned the hard way that it's not. We went to Cedar Point in Ohio for a weekend trip. We were standing in line and there were two girls behind us about 15-16 years old. They had long blonde hair and were playing with each others hair putting it up in ponytails. They were sisters...even now it makes me cry because we just looked at each other and I know we were all thinking that that's what Kassidy and Courtney would be doing if Kass were here. So, even the new things hurt. Just the smallest things make us remember Kassidy, like the smell of chocolate, songs on the radio, watching her favorite TV shows, the kids going back to school, every day that we walk into gymnastics...it never ends. We know time heals and it becomes easier but it will never be the same.
Unless you have lost a child yourself, you cannot understand real grief. You can lose a parent and it's hard. But God does not program us to lose a child. God knows what it is like to lose a son. He is al loving and caring but he grieved when Jesus died on the cross for us. When a spouse dies, the other person is called a widow. What do you call a parent when they lose a child?? There is no word in the English language that describes that....because children should not die first.
....Courtney has started back to school. She is in the 7th grade. I can't believe how much she has grown and what a young lady she is becoming. It's hard to believe that she will be in High School next year. Where does the time go? She is still doing gymnastics and will compete this year as a Level 8 gymnast. I know she is healing with time as well. She talks more about Kassidy with the other girls at gymnastics. This summer when she went to camp she met a little girl from Northern Va who had Alapecia (she did not have any hair). She was bald and looked like Kassidy did after she lost her hair. Courtney took right to her and one night went to her cabin and talked with her and her team mates. When she got back she said that she had told them about Kassidy. This was a first for Courtney and we feel like this was a huge step to her healing. She talks alot about Kassidy and her memories of things they did together. She is reading a book that was given to us "90 Minutes in Heaven". She reads a little bit at a time but she takes it everywhere with her..even to school. At night sometimes she will read to me in bed. What a great book and it gives Courtney some peace and is healing for her and for me!
We finally have the memorial garden just like we want it. We have put landscaping lights in it and at night it is absolutely beautiful. I hope any one that can will come back and take a look. Our final piece for the garden we have to order. We are getting a bench with Kassidys name made into the back of it. Then it will be perfect for a beautiful angel!
In closing, we will continue to update her website. We thank everyone for continuing to check in. We hope that her website will be inspirational to those that visit. Remember to hug your kids tighter, tell everyone you love them. We all need to realize that our children do not belong to us, they are gifts from God that he expects us to take care of for him while they are here on Earth. Life cannot be taken for granted. Each day is a gift to be used as preparation for what comes next.....Eternity
God Bless Everyone!