People have ask us "how we are doing" or "how are we feeling " since Kassidy lost her fight. We tell them we are doing ok, but on the inside, we are not doing good at all. Tammy and I have often wondered how Kassidy was doing....think about it, she was 12 years old and we ask her was she feeling and she would always say ok, but deep down inside she had to be "feeling" horrible. That is one of he things we are struggling with right now, we never knew"how she was feeling". Her attitude and the way she acted told us the way we think she felt. As I said on my previous updates, I said I have some cool things to share about Kassidy. We were going through some of her things that she had while she was in the hospital, we found a teen book that she had to write down her feelings. This is written by Kassidy...I will not add or change any words.....
I WANT.......The days and years go slow so I am very close to my family.
I NEED.........Nothing but faith,, Bravery and prayers from friends and family that care.
I FEAR..........The thought of cancer causing death. But I KNOW I'm not going to die!!!!and also losing my hair.
I WISH..........I understood why and when. I didn't have questions on how it started.
I HOPE..........I DON'T loose my hair The doctors(s) said I may or may NOT loose it. So I hope I don"t lose my hair.
I EXPECT......to get through this. And when I do have children I can tell them my story of when I was 12 and had cancer.
I AM..............HEALED IN JESUS NAME!!!!
I LOVE..........My family and friends and everybody else whos praying for.
But most of all I love Jesus!!
Those words were a blessing to us, we found that book after she passed away , we know she wrote that down when she first found out she had cancer.She always was my rock even when she was down mentally as far as she could go.We were at home with Kassidy and she was taking a shower. She was in the shower and she could see herself in the mirror, she had one leg... no hair, I ask her was that the first time she had saw herself that way , she said "yes". Then she said "dad I still think I am beautiful".... I told her I thought she was beautiful too. Then she gave me a hug and got me wet and she laughed real hard about that. Think about what she was thinking, a 12 year old seeing herself like that in the mirror but she thought she was beautiful. I think that was amazing. She ask Tammy one night.. Kassidy said "mom I thought cancer was for older people", Tammy told her that cancer did not care about the age of people.Kassidy said "Thats alright I am still smiling"We think back now and wonder how was she feeling. Finding the things she wrote and some of the things she said, maybe she was not feeling that bad, we believe that GOD himself was with her all the time comforting her and telling her she was going to be ok. That helps but the days are not getting better,we knew she was not feeling well after she passed....but right now the emptiness is deep. I wonder why Kassidy.... why Kassidy.. she already knows, God has told her and he has showed her. Just think of all the people that will come up to Kassidy in heaven and say ..."I am here because of you... because of the faith and strength you had, I am in heaven TODAY".......how cool is that !!!
Since Kassidy passed away I have had 2 pastors that told me , They thought Kassidy had ministered to more people in her 12 years than some pastors do in there whole mnistery. I know she impacted alot of people. I ask one of our pastors if he thought it was possible that some of the people that changed their life because of Kassidy if they could have been someone who was going to do something real bad to society, he said maybe they would be the next Billy Graham
Thanks for your continued support and prayers. Share Kassidy's story with some one whom you think could benefit from her story......keep checking in and GOD BLESS...
Danny Tammy Courtney and our "Champion Kassidy"